From time to time a gust of uneasiness would blow through the back rooms of my mind, as if a window has been left open there and a storm has come through and her neatly stacked pages of notes in being human has blown off the desk.
Joanna is an ordinary woman with high hopes, very loving, sometimes funny, overprotective, loves her family, thoughtful and always ready to help others. Last week she attended the wedding of her cousin sister and had lots of fun with family and friends. This week the regular day has started- go to work, run to the grocery, make time for the exercise routine either Body combat or kickboxing, prepare dinner, watch TV, make phone calls etc… All these striving, all the joys,miseries, meetings, mood swings, parties she asks to herself, leads exactly to where? Too much of fun and then what?
Early Sunday morning. Joanna feels enormous feeling of emptiness. Turn your eyes away from the good life for just a second and there it is : kind of lingering questions what is the purpose of life or what is the point of all these? She sits up on the bed. It is only four thirty in the morning. But can not sleep. Joanna walks out to the back deck and stands leaning against the wooden post, her arms folded, one foot crossed and the toe pointed into the ground. She tries to search for an answer in the darkness, in the air, within her own self.
Sometimes a particular memory sparkles more strongly than the others.
One bright summer day in June. Sixteen years old Joanna sits with her grandmother in the living room. In Front of them sits a sage in a deep orange robe with saffron border. His eyes are very clear, bright,calm and full of kindness. He sips the mango juice calmly and deliberately, then looks up giving a beaming, magical smile to us. He waves his hand around in a way as if he is playing an imaginary upside down keyboard with floating fingers and tries to explain a meaningful life. His voice comes out without rise or fall. “ It is fine to enjoy what you like, but always keep a balance in them.” He says waving his hand, “ Life should be purposeful, meaningful. Clear visions and positive goals, leads to positive actions and purposeful life. Different types of pleasure, sadness are all very temporary; they come and go. But when you help people it lasts for long time and that is more enjoyable.”
He smiles and says, “ Is it clear? It should.”