Shape Up or Ship Out A letter to the personality trait you like least, convincing it to shape up or ship out.
It feels a little awkward to write to you when you are with me all the time; day and night, in each moment and we are inseparable.I have been in love with you for such a long time that today I find a little difficulty to express my concern. But I am confident and have high hope that you will understand and help me out. Lots of time you have given me the inspiration to write, to stay in one place and to think deeply on a particular problem. Really, I do love you but sometimes it will be nice to have a little distance. OK, how about I will explain you through a series of to make it easier.
A clear and bright morning. I am in a rush to go to college when I hear my brother’s voice from the side room. “ Dad, tomorrow I have to buy three more books for the medicine class and it will be close to five thousand.”
A small pause. I hear my dad’s deep but calm voice,” Sure pick the money before you leave to the campus.”
I could not move. I lean against the wall. Dad never say no but this is a huge amount! Now I have to think and guess my dad’s thoughts, my mom’s questions, all the calculation for the monthly budget. “ O’ Wow! I hope everything will be alright. There is a big celebration coming and dad has to pay for all our dresses, for the party etc.etc. I have so many dresses so I do not need another new one but I want mom to have a new saree.” I nod gravely.I turn towards the kitchen.My mom sits there on the dining chair with a magazine on her hand. A small plate of fruits in front of her untouched. Occasionally she raises her eyes to look at the open window then lowers them to the magazine. I try to enter my mom’s brain to share her thoughts but it is hard. I do not want to get late for the class. I leave. It is hard to concentrate in the class when so many thoughts with different ideas whirl inside my brain. In the evening after I return from the class, I look around.There is a shift in the air inside the house. But I have to be hundred percent sure. I walk into the living room. In the crimson room,my parents are sitting at either end of the long cream colored couch,enjoying the hot darjeeling tea and having a good conversation. I lean forward glance at their faces. Yes they are smiling and that means a lot to me; everything is under control. “Excellent!” I smile and float into my room. This is just one of the incident when I was in college.
What about the Syrian crisis? I worry continuously about the families and all the difficult situation that they have to go through; their sufferings, anxieties, sadness! In the weekend I have to think hard on their problem, try to penetrate into their lives to realise everything that they are going through. But except writing stories I have not been able to solve anything.
It is a tuesday evening when my husband books a ticket to India.I pack and repack his blue suitcase not one time but three times. It is a twenty two hours flight. Guess all the strange things that happen during that time; of course not to him because excitement is in the air but for me. Starting from the day he leaves to india, my brain gets crowded with a list of questions, lots of problems that may rise and hopeful solutions. The flight should be on time, the pilot should be well rested. After he reaches, he should be careful with food and water. So I can not relax. Worries and worries! One evening at the end of the first week, I stand in front of the mirror and startle to see the reflection. The prominent dark under eye circles, deep crows line, grave face! Is not it too much? Each time I call to my husband I hear a very happy, exciting voice from the other end. So I should not worry that much. Right?
I am not young any more to worry for everyone . If I can solve all their problems then I will not mind worrying day and night. My last visit to the doctor was very different. She takes a glance at my chart. “ How is your workout routine? Are you still going to the kickboxing class?” She nods. “I can see that from your wide smile. Well try the yoga and meditation to relieve the stress. Everything else seems fine.”
“ I will try. Thanks for the suggestion.” I reply with a small smile.
I understand that you feel bad but think about my health and the present insurance policy. Have you seen the deductibles from the pocket? I do not think I can handle these any more so will you help me?We can work it together. I will start the meditation and you do not appear so much in my personality. I will appreciate your cooperation.